


The Once and Future Prince: Part 2

by totallynotnatalie



Series: The Once and Future Prince Series [2]
Category: GWA - Fandom, PTA - Fandom, PillowTalkAudio - Fandom, gonewildaudio - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Fairytale Parody, Find True Love, Humor, Labors of Hercules, Nemean Lion - Freeform, Silly, Wordplay, sfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:53:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28176459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totallynotnatalie/pseuds/totallynotnatalie
Summary: The second part in a fairy parody about a silly prince
Relationships: M4F - Relationship
Series: The Once and Future Prince Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2064150





	The Once and Future Prince: Part 2

**Author's Note:**

> This is a script for the GWA subreddits. Please contact me before posting a recording of this work anywhere else.
> 
> This content is intended for 18+ audiences only.
> 
> Feel free to modify the script to meet your needs.

[M4A] The Once and Future Prince: Part 2 [Prince][Humor][Fairytale Parody][Wordplay][Nemean lion][Labors of Hercules][Find True Love]

Script Notes: All SFX sounds are optional. Please feel free to modify the script to fit your needs.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
*gasp* Betty! How are you? 

*kiss*

I've missed you so much! The professional mourners just haven't been the same without you! 

No, I really do mean it! After all, you were the group's only soprano and the wailing just isn't the same without those high notes. 

I'm sure that father misses it too. Or at least he would if he wasn't so preoccupied with dying. 

I'll tell you, he's really quite selfish sometimes. Ignoring how hard you all work just because he's in constant pain. The nerve of that man!

Oh, don't worry. I'm nothing like him. 

After all, he may not care that you gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. But *I* do! 

And, I'll have you know, that I view as my princely duty to give the little tike a gift. So, here you are! 

Ta-Da! I got a box of chocolates for you and something called a 'teething ring' for the wee one. But I'm afraid it looks a bit too big to fit on the lad's finger. 

But I hope that you like it anyway. My page insisted that it was a good idea. 

Isn't that right, Paige? 

See-Oh heavens, I hope that you don't think that I'm being rude. I would never refer to my servants by their titles. Hardly becoming of a king-to-be is it? 

Well, yes. My father calls everybody 'servant'-including me actually. But I have no interest in following in his foot steps. At least not when I have such wonderful company! 

So, I just call my page by the name 'Paige' because her name just happens to be 'Paige'. You know, like 'page' but spelled with the letter 'I'? It's all very convenient! ...If not a bit confusing at times. 

Anyway, my page, who is also named Paige, insist that this teething ring would be appropriate despite the fact that it looks far too big. 

I wanted to get the tike either gold, frankincense, or myrrh. But I decide against frankincense. I was never much of a fan on any type of incense. No, that stuff makes rooms far too smelly. 

And initially, myrrh did seem promising. But then I realized I had no idea where I could buy the abstract concept of laugher. It's honestly surprising that nowhere around here sells it. 

So, I thought that I had settled on gold. But then 'Paige with an I' insisted that it was too extravagant. Apparently, gold is only for royal infants. Such nonsense! 

But I was in a rush and didn't have time to argue with her. We're out trying to find my true love, you see.

Yes, that's right! I have a true love now! 

I saw her through a window and fell in love with her instantly because that's how that sort of thing works. 

Now, I just have to search the entire kingdom to find her. It shouldn't be too hard. 

After-all, we've already checked the palace and your home. That's two places down out of how many? A hundred thousand? I'm sure that we'll get that done in no time!

*sigh* Oh Paige, 

(pause)

With an 'I'. Don't give me that look! I'm trying to be optimistic. There is no point in searching at all if you think that it's fruitless. 

Besides, you know what they say, true love finds a way. 

(pause)

Okay, yes I know that isn't true for everyone. But I have money and endless amounts of free time! So, my dreams come true pretty much by default. And I'm sure that this one will as well. 

It will just take a bit more work...which, admittedly, I detest... 

*sigh* Betty, do you know of any other ways to find your true love? My knuckles are bound to become sore after knocking on so many doors. And calluses are just so unprincely. 

(pause)

I could complete the seven labors? I don't know....that sounds like more work. And I've never labored a day in my life. 

Oh, sorry. Was that insensitive to say to somebody whose just given birth? 

Good, I'm glad that you don't mind. I'm nothing if not honest with myself and I doubt I could ever labor and I certainly couldn't do it seven times!

Unless....does each labor happen to last only 17 seconds? Because I think I could do that. Well....probably at least. 

Oh, it depends on how fast I do it? Well, what does the labor in involve? 

Oh, each one is different? Well, that's the first one then? I suspect that one will be the easiest. 

(pause)

I have to kill the Nemean lion? The one that terrorizes the kingdom? The one that is impervious to magic? The one that is somehow conveniently outside your door right now? 

I can't do that! I don't even know how to hold a sword. My sword instructor gave up on teaching me after I ruined my training blade by roasting marshmallows on it. Honestly, the blade only melted a bit. And the smores were still excellent if I do say so myself. 

But I doubt I can defeat the Nemean lion by stuffing marshmallows on a sword. That awful thing is immune to weapon attacks and I doubt the marshmallows would do anything....

Wait a minute, smores...chocolate. 

*gasp* Cats are allergic to chocolate, right? And all a lion is really just a big cat! 

(excited) So, if we can't injure the lion, why don't we have lion injure itself? 

Erm, you know, by tricking it into eating chocolate.

(pause)

Okay, neither of you are rolling your eyes at me...which is frankly so unusual that it's a bit concerning. This is either a good plan or so incredibly stupid that neither of you even know how to response. 

(playful) I guess that there is only on way to know which....

(pause)

Well, I suppose I could just ask you but...oh, never mind. 

Betty, hand me that box of chocolates. And, don't worry, I promise I'll replace it later. You deserve to indulge yourself, after all! 

But right now, it's more important to have lion bait. 

I'll just place this outside the door....

[Optional door opening and closing sounds]

And we'll see if he goes for it. 

(pause)

(excited) It's coming over! I hope that it's got a sweet tooth! 

(whisper) Oh, come on you silly thing. That's good quality chocolate. I would *never* get the cheap stuff!

(pause)

(excited) Yes, yes! It's eating it! Such a silly kitty!

Now, all we have to do is wait to see if it-

Oh wow, that was fast. With normal cats, it normally takes a few hours. I guess magic must make it happen faster or something. 

Anyway, better not to question it. That thing has ruined five parades in my father's honor. And I do like those because they give the professional mourners a chance to get out of the castle. So, its death is truly a blessing.

Wait minute-it's death! I killed it! I completed the first labor! I'm 1/7th of the way to finding my true love!

Oh, this is fantastic! I'm so pleased! 

And you were right, Betty. This is a much better plan than knocking on every door in the kingdom! 

And it's a lot less like work than I thought! 

Oh, do you know what I ought to do next? I hope the second labor is this easy. 

(pause)

I had to kill the Hydra? Well, that shouldn't be too hard. After all, I drink water all the time so I'm very well hydrated. And I'm sure that will impress the Hydra. 

Come on Paige with an I, there is no time to waste.


End file.
